Balancing a family

I've sat on this blog for some time... but I want to share it,  hopefully it will mean someone else doesn't feel alone in the struggle to manage a large family.


It happened again .. An ordinary week ..  I guess outwardly it would seem so; younger kids at school, older ones at Uni , work for us parents,  the usual after school activities.  Yep ordinary....

So why did my stress levels rise and panic set in... Again?  This was the story two weeks ago too!!

Why did the seesaw tip leaving me sitting high in the air, contemplating the slope leading to the ground ...  panic?

It only took a few things... extra errands to fit in, doctors trips, a dentist appointment, some on-line training I had to complete, a few dance costumes to finish, some grumpy children....  It all added up I guess to become weight at the other end of the see-saw.

Life seemed to be going well ... I thought I had been good, not taking on too much outside of what I need to do, I thought things were in balance with a bit of room to move.

Now, not just once but twice this has happened within a fortnight!!

I shouldn't find it hard to believe that what I'd normally handle quite well in isolation I didn't handle so well but again, this sudden over stressed feeling took me by surprise.

So what can I learn?  How do I get the balance right? 

Do you know I think I might need to sit my family down and work this through ... 

Obviously the demands they collectively are placing on me ;  to be the social secretary who organises the schedules for everyone, soothes the hurts, listens to the whining, gets the birthday presents, knows where everything is, arranges who has a car and how to get everyone to where they need to be etc... Etc... Are just too much.  Yes they all do their bits and pieces around the house and help but it seems to be just getting too tricky to run a house of 5 adults and 3 teens the way I usually have.  

We have a shared calendar already but even that's complicated and often doesn't work.  Maybe I need a car schedule or diary?   Maybe I need a family PA who's sole responsibility is to manage our schedules?

YES!!! That's it I need an Alice from the Brady bunch :)  

Balancing perspective

It's been a while since I last wrote ... It seems like a lot has changed in my world since then.  But actually not that much has really changed..  just shifted slightly when I put everything in perspective. 

Apart from the avalanche of time that occurs with the start of the school year and all that encompasses, my only other shift has been an employment one.   

For 9 months I have had the privelidge of being part of the staff at my local church. I've basically been administering the music ministry whilst our worship and creative ministry director was on maternity leave. This week was my last week.

It would be wrong to say the time has been a breeze .. In fact the 9 months entered my life more like a hurricane; pulling at the roots of my confidence, tossing my time management and people skills into disarray; the task, although a joy in terms of being able to serve and encourage others, was always in my mind, with things to do and concern for those I served... A nagging thought I wasn't doing enough.

Being a first born I struggle constantly with an overwhelming need to please others, to get things just right, to make everyone happy, and to hear praise for what I do well... 

Impossible ...  My head knows that .. My husband reminds me of that .. And yet the need/desire sits and smolders in my soul, and it only takes a small breath of criticism, or a small error for the smolder to build back to a fire within and I am desperate to hear that it's Ok .. That I'm doing Ok still.

The last 9 months have provided a huge learning curve for me ... Not so much learning how to do tasks .. But learning about myself and where I need to place my fragile sense of self ... into the hands of Jesus...  And God has blessed the time ... With encouragement from many varied sources, increased confidence as I've stepped up and lead, and a new and more balanced perspective of the role of music and songs within the context of worship.   

So now I am looking forward to the next season of my life, with less admin responsibility but still serving where I'm needed and in expectation of more God lead learning and growing :) 

Checks and Balance

It's already happening ... Life is filling up with all the things I should do , want to do, need to do, have to do !!!   I'm already feeling out of control and unbalanced!! And Hey!!   The year has barely started!! 

There are so many things I want to do but I  find myself distracted by time wasters and not concentrating on the things that matter to me .

My resolve to pick up my guitar hasn't worked and I'm wondering why?  My resolve to read a devotion each day - despite my phone diligently reminding me  - has also fizzled... Why? 

Was the resolve not strong enough?  Was the desire really just the desire to do something I know I should do but actually don't yearn for enough? 

Is it simply that I haven't found the right environment that will make these things a joy?   

Maybe I feel guilty or uncomfortable doing these indulgent things - could that be it? 

I don't know the answer .. It might be a bit of all these things ..but as the school year approaches and all the routines that that ushers in,  I think I need to put some checks in place ...  Some questions I need to ask myself regularly to see how I'm going with those things that my heart wants and yet I struggle to achieve..

1.   Have you been reading your devotion Pam ??  And if not what can you put in place to make it possible?

2.   Have you played guitar this week?  And if not what can you put in place to make it possible?

Only two questions ... I may add more and take some away over the year but I hope the introduction of some regular checks will help me stay focused on maintaining balance . 

The Balance of my Comfort Zone

Yesterday I stepped out of my comfort zone.

Fire!!... The Grampians are on fire !!

My natural instinct is to STAY AWAY.  But instead of staying safely at home and simply praying for those affected, I got in my car and drove with 3 other people towards that fire, through the smoke, on roads well chosen to avoid the road blocks....

I spent the evening in the company of an amazing team of volunteers and some even more amazing evacuees in a town I don't know but now have a piece of my heart invested in.

Probably the longest conversation I had was with a gorgeous little 3 year old who chattered away in her own little language completely oblivious to the events unfolding around her, happily playing in the playdough and running around with her big sister, the trust they showed to someone they didn't know but whom obviously was trusted by their parents was humbling.

The machine that goes into action when an emergency happens is incredible.  Every agency has their role and within a short time a centre is set up allowing shelter for those who need it, information when it's available, food, water, bedding, and towels.  Adjacent to this centre was the staging ground for the emergency services, an awesome sight.  Local businesses were so generous with donations of water, and food.  The locals were very generous with offers of accommodation, so the numbers who needed to sleep at the centre was kept to a minimum.

The facilities, in a local recreation centre were basic, however, those sleeping there were grateful for the safety and the provision of a bed and I hope happy to have people caring for them and being a listening ear.

When I received the call, I guess I could have chickened out and simply said I couldn't go, but then I couldn't count this amazingly privileged experience as a part of my life.  Perhaps this is another way of maintaining balance this year...by stretching myself ... by allowing myself to be uncomfortable... because the reward and sense of being of some help is all worth it :)

Tonight.. those people I met, some from the local area and some traveling through... I will think of them and pray that they are safe and feel that they were cared for.

Finding balance in the creative me.

Camera Case

This year I want to explore more of my creativity ....  not just mass production of leotards... but different projects...  I find that when I don't have enough opportunity to be creative, to be challenged by an idea and how I might bring that to fruition, I lose energy and focus.

One area I really want to explore more is learning a bit more about photography and then editing the images to convey the right messages.

To that end I've just become the proud owner of my own DSLR camera !!!  I've done a little playing with the one at work but wanted my own that I could really experiment with.

So what is the first thing I do?  Well after the initial set up, my first impulse was to give it a case :)
Yep ... still had to sew !!

I am amazed however by the cool effects that can be achieved with this camera, I look forward to learning all about them and I really hope that not only do I enjoy playing with this new piece of equipment but that I can use it to enrich my family's life and the lives of others in ways... well that I can't even imagine right now :)

How to:

If you'd like to know how I made this little bag....

Here's what I did... a bit of a Tutorial on a basic drawstring bag for my new camera :)  One that fits into my normal handbag.

I started out choosing some fabric left over from another project around 25cm of each fabric was plenty and around 20cm of foam sheeting.

After tracing around the camera, I created a base shape. 

 I then measured the circumference of the shape and the length of the camera.  For the walls of the bag, I added 7cm to the length and 1cm to the circumference and this was the rectangle I cut out.  For the foam I cut to exactly the circumference and the exact height.

I didn't have any ribbon to create a casing for the drawstring so cut a 6cm wide strip of the contrast .

From there I simply stitched together the short ends of each of the side fabric to make two tubes, leaving a turning hole in the seam of the inside fabric.

I pressed over the edges of the strip of fabric for the casing.

 I Measured the height of the strip using the foam insert as a guide

  I  top stitched the strip on top and bottom to the outside tube, leaving a small opening at the centre front.

 Next I sewed the base piece into the bottom of each tube.

To join the outside and inside together I put right sides together and sewed around the top 

Next I fitted the foam pieces on the inside of the outer bag, then turned it all through.

 I cheated and stitched the turning hole together on the machine.

 I top stitched the top of the bag and at the base of the drawstring casing.. this is to contain the foam.

I created a tie from another scrap of material sewn inside out and pulled through.  This I threaded through the casing with a safety pin.

 I used a clasp from an old jacket and then added a bit of colour with some buttons :) 

 And look it fits nicely in my handbag with all the other bits and pieces... maybe a double sided glasses case should be the next sewing project ??

Don't overcommit... did you hear me!!!

One thing I  attempt at this time of year is take stock of all the commitments I have.  I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not... everything is in recess now so I feel like I have heaps of time :)

I love doing the voluntary things I do and as each year progresses I find myself involved in more and more exciting and challenging events and programs.

Unfortunately there are only so many hours in each day and hence there are only so many
things I can achieve, so well…. I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING!!  I think I need to engrave that somewhere prominent so I remember.

The last few months of 2013 saw me so caught up in the voluntary and paid work I do that important things like family have suffered.  Things I’d usually be on top of like ordering school books and paying bills were forgotten… oops!

So this year perhaps I do need to make a resolution;  DON’T OVERCOMMIT!!

Here’s a list of my rules for 2014:

• Doing things in the community is good and healthy so YES!!.. volunteer for causes and events that interest you and where you can contribute.
• Make a list of the MUST DOs!!  Like spending time with family and paying bills .. and block out time for these priorities.
• Remember the time needed for school concerts, dance competitions, Christmas events etc. that will happen later in the year…. there needs to be space in the calendar for these.
• This is the hard part.  Say NO! .. to yourself and others when an opportunity arises that you don’t have time for.
• If you can’t possibly say NO! .. find something else you are doing that’s not so important to put aside for a while.  

I wonder if this will happen, or will I end up in December 2014 totally overcommitted!!

Balancing on the Waves

Tomorrow morning I'm going to be leading a song that has really resonated with me recently.  It's been around for a while ... from Hillsong  'Oceans'....

When I first heard it, I felt I could never do it justice, however I really loved the words so have been leading it a fair bit lately  - as best I can.  But why do these words resonate so much?

I think it's that they aren't easy words, they don't allow me to sit comfortably in the pew, content with my salvation expecting life to drift along without storms or trials or challenges...

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour... *

Even just the words from the bridge are confronting and scary, and yet my heart yearns not to settle for the safe and mediocre but to be aware of the leading of my God and to step out resting in His embrace as He leads me to where He would have me go.   He will help me keep my balance on the waves if I keep my eyes fixed on Him.

I wonder do we ever see clearly where it is God is leading?  Or is it like in the song...surrounded by waves we only see Him and are called just to trust in where he leads...  food for thought.

* Oceans ( Where Feet May Fail ) (c) 2012 Hillsong Music Publishing

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Balancing on Technology

For some unknown reason I opened my computer this morning and all my Outlook mail was gone??  It was like it had just been installed .. no accounts, no settings ... everything just gone!!...  easy fixed?  well no!  How often do we set up the accounts etc for our mail?  hmmm not often enough. After some time trying to set it up I think I've done all the right things but it's still not working properly sigh!!

It makes me realise how much I rely on my computer and phone!!  I have. I guess, embraced technology as it's come along and made it work for me but when it doesn't work ...  :)

But am I to blame?  Am I so helpless that I can't live without the technology?

Of course not...  I actually miss my hand written diary..  I love putting pen to paper.. Stationery stores are my favorite shopping places.   BUT the world expects me now to be accessible on Google, Facebook, via text, and email ... and the world expects me to answer immediately.  I am expected to know where everyone is at any time, and where I'm supposed to be.. so instead of a pretty wall calendar with written entries... Google calendar, iCal are shared at work, at home .... and it goes on....

I'd like to try to create some balance between the desire I have for using a pen and paper to record things and the sense I see in using the on-line options for scheduling and communication.  Hmmmmmm ... I will need to think on this one!!

Balancing the clutter

3 days ago the skip on the front lawn was empty... today it's full... and all three cars have a roof over their head!!!

 For some that may seem normal or reasonable but for this household it is a unique experience... With 8 people living in our home, the build up of clutter and possessions is constant and seemingly endless.  Yet for me, the freedom and lightness I feel when things are ordered and uncluttered is life changing.  The weight of disorder lifted, I am free to think, to dream and plan for creativity because there is no longer that constraint of the sorting and discarding that's screaming at me.

I spent today sorting through our 'study' - a room that is the catch all for almost everything.   There is a long way to go but it's a good feeling to have uncluttered and sorted even a little bit.  Tomorrow piles of paperwork :)

So where is my balance in all of this?... it's finding the harmony between being tidy and organised and the desire to move on to that next exciting project.  I guess if I concentrate on being balanced in this way the projects will be much more rewarding; being less hampered by the clutter.