Apart from the avalanche of time that occurs with the start of the school year and all that encompasses, my only other shift has been an employment one.
For 9 months I have had the privelidge of being part of the staff at my local church. I've basically been administering the music ministry whilst our worship and creative ministry director was on maternity leave. This week was my last week.
It would be wrong to say the time has been a breeze .. In fact the 9 months entered my life more like a hurricane; pulling at the roots of my confidence, tossing my time management and people skills into disarray; the task, although a joy in terms of being able to serve and encourage others, was always in my mind, with things to do and concern for those I served... A nagging thought I wasn't doing enough.
Being a first born I struggle constantly with an overwhelming need to please others, to get things just right, to make everyone happy, and to hear praise for what I do well...
Impossible ... My head knows that .. My husband reminds me of that .. And yet the need/desire sits and smolders in my soul, and it only takes a small breath of criticism, or a small error for the smolder to build back to a fire within and I am desperate to hear that it's Ok .. That I'm doing Ok still.
The last 9 months have provided a huge learning curve for me ... Not so much learning how to do tasks .. But learning about myself and where I need to place my fragile sense of self ... into the hands of Jesus... And God has blessed the time ... With encouragement from many varied sources, increased confidence as I've stepped up and lead, and a new and more balanced perspective of the role of music and songs within the context of worship.
So now I am looking forward to the next season of my life, with less admin responsibility but still serving where I'm needed and in expectation of more God lead learning and growing :)
